Monday 5 May 2014

Grandma said...


"Eeeew, too much information!" my friend remarked, when I mentioned that I'd had 'a lick and a promise' this morning.

 I only meant that, as my bathroom's out of action at the moment due to being refitted, I just had a quick wash at the sink instead of my usual shower. How times change.  Not just the daily shower instead of the weekly bath, but the expressions we use.  That particular phrase was a favourite of my Grandmother's, but in her case it did often refer to an actual lick, as in, "spit in your hanky and let me rub that dirt off your face".

My Grandmother used a lot of strange expressions, now I come to think about it.  "He's as queer as Dick's hatband," she'd say, meaning that someone was what I'd call mildly eccentric.  {In the days when that's what the 'Q' word actually meant.}  I never found out who Dick was, or what his hat looked like, but as she wore some pretty strange hats herself I longed to see it.  An expression that mystified me completely, though, was the condemnation, "fur coat; no knickers". 

 How on earth did she know?  It's not like a fur coat is a flimsy garment, given to revealing all in a light breeze, or getting caught unexpectedly on passing gentlemen.  And if you were wearing a fur coat, it was likely to be in order to keep warm in winter. Surely you'd want substantial layers of clothing on underneath as well?  Perhaps she meant that a fur coat was so expensive that the poor lady couldn't afford knickers too.  But she had a fur coat herself!  And many knickers, with long legs, that fluttered merrily on the clothes line every washday.  A variation on that theme was, "red hat; no knickers".  Did my Grandmother have x-ray vision?  Was the whole thing just coded messages to Granddad?  I will never know.  I can only wonder what she would have said about someone in a fur coat and a red hat.