My co-workers and I have decided that we should
call our typist Father Jack. She sits in the corner of the office facing
the window, headphones on in a world of her own, completely oblivious to the
rest of us - until she catches a fragment of conversation.
"What? What's that?" she demands, eyes suddenly alight
with consciousness. The resemblance is uncanny, but I should, in
fairness, point out that her likeness to the elderly reprobate priest stops
there; she's clean and tidy, rarely swears, and the only drink she ever demands
is tea {at work, anyway}. Apparently, I'm Father Ted - harassed all the
time and somewhat paranoid. I'd rather be Father Dougal; he seems to
enjoy life a bit more, but my co-workers were adamant; Father Ted it is.
It was the same when we thought about characters from 'Friends'. I so
want to be Phoebe, but it seems that I'm Monica the control freak. Must
try harder. Or perhaps less.
For the benefit of those readers who so often write
to me but appear to be from Foreign Parts and may not be real people anyway,
I'm referring to characters from TV sitcoms. And, by the way, please stop
offering me cheap sunglasses and trainers. Do I look like the sort of
person who wears designer rip-offs? Or even designer originals? I'm
just happy if my clothes are clean; if they fit, it's a bonus. I don't
wear my own name since I lost my badge; I'm certainly not going to go around
with someone else's name emblazoned across my clothing. I cut all the
labels off the inside of my clothes anyway, whenever possible. Especially
knickers, when the labels tend to be itchy and are often bigger than the
garment. There are few things sartorially worse than a label showing
through flimsy fabric or protruding from one's apparel. {Since you
ask: socks with sandals, trousers that are too short and visible bra straps.}
'What about washing instructions?' I hear you
ask. I read them before purchasing anything and if I can't just shove it
in the machine with everything else that's roughly the same colour, then I
don't buy it. Simples.
