One of the things I enjoy when visiting friends in
Cumbria {which I did this weekend} is to read their Parish Magazine. It
tells of a whole different way of life on that side of the country. I
long to visit the 3-day bric-a-brac sale proposed for September, and I thought
we might enjoy strawberries and scones at the Old People's Home open day but,
on reflection, we rejected that idea for fear they might think us old and try
to keep us in.
The best article in the magazine, however, was the
crime report. Allegedly, two people have shoplifted £3300 worth of goods
from the local branch of Boots the chemist. This is hard to imagine,
given the size of the shop and the limited range of stock it carries.
We peered through the window on Sunday {probably
looking quite suspicious, in the circumstances} and the only items that
appeared to be in a secure cabinet were bottles of cough medicine. So far
as we could ascertain, this branch doesn't sell electrical goods, expensive
perfumes, or even much in the way of make-up, so what, in the name of all
that's fragrant, could the thieves possible have taken to that value?
Condoms? Surgical stockings?
If we assume that the average price of an item is
£10 {and I'm prepared to bet that it's less} then this couple apparently made
off with over 300 items, albeit over two occasions. That's at least 80
items each, probably more. How could you possibly carry that
legitimately, never mind in a concealed manner? Even assuming they took
mascara rather than toilet rolls, that's an awful lot of stuff to hide about
your person.
And what were the shop staff doing, while Bonnie
and Clyde scooped shampoo and bubble bath into their 'bags for life'?
Surely you'd notice that occurring? I suspect that 'Clyde' must have
created a diversion, perhaps involving the unlocking of cough syrup and
discussion of its merits. But that would have left 'Bonnie' with even
more to conceal and carry. How could they have not looked suspicious walking
out of the shop, what with his hacking cough and her bulgy jumper?
I do hope there's a sequel in the next edition of
the Parish Mag!
